The Skin I'm In

I stared at my sister in disbelief when she said "Jennifer Lawrence is fat" while we were eating at an Indian restaurant the other day. In the moment, this infuriated me more than it disappointed me but now that I've marinated in the thought, it saddens me more than anything. 

I've struggled with my weight for most of my life. I've fallen prey to all sorts of fad diets and weird exercise routines. I've cried multiple times when trying to fit into a decent pair of jeans or to find the illusive bra that doesn't accentuate my back fat. I've actually ripped a pair of pants more than once. Bending over to pick something up. Just like in cartoons. (Try finding a bigger blow to one's self esteem than that.) What kind of world are we living in that young girls are thinking that attractive, fit actresses are "fat?" What does that mean for their self esteem? What does that mean for people like me? People like you? It's borderline insulting and indicative of a major problem with modern standards of beauty. It takes a lot of courage to embrace your body, whichever shape it is. Big boobs, no boobs, too thin, too fat, there seems to be a lot of room for criticism. It needs to stop. It's one thing to be healthy and to want to be the best you can be but think about it this way: how many times a day do you see a woman in an advertisement or on a magazine and think, "if only...?" 

It took a lot of courage to post these photos. I even sent them to multiple friends and asked if they were "okay." After all, they're going to be in the internet for... forever, right? Then I realized just how ridiculous that sentiment is. It's my body. I live in it. People see it every day. I hide it all the time, and why? I've always been a lot more comfortable in baggy layers that don't accentuate the shape of my body because to me, it's not nice. Key words: "TO ME." As corny as New Years Resolutions can be, I made one for myself this year: I want to be in love with the skin I'm in. It's not easy. It is, however, completely possible. And, if I can do it, so can you.

I don't know how yet. I'm still learning. I know that it begins with taking care of your body, wearing what you want to wear, and NOT comparing yourself to others, whether positively or negatively. Find what you love about yourself and just own it. Like anything else, it's bound to be a process but for once, this is a New Year's Resolution that I'm actually more excited for the journey than the result.

xo,

e.m.

dress/ H&M, jacket/ H&M (similar), boots/ H&M (similar), bracelet/ thrifted, hat/ DIMEPIECE, tights/ Target, sunglasses/ Old Navy, bag/ Louis Vuitton (it's a Speedy 30, for those who have asked!)

P.S. Oh, as for J. Law? HuffPo had a great article about her and "the fact that her statements reinforce our current cultural views, rather than subverting them." (The article, not to get too "political," should be less about her and more about the double-standards in our media. Regardless, it's thought-provoking and full of great talking points.)

*photos by Allie Mickel